Before the age of three, I was taken to church, loved by my parents, prayed over by a precious grandmother, and tender toward the things of God, but life circumstances altered my perception of God’s true grace and love rather quickly, soon after.
When I was three, my mother collapsed at work with a brain aneurysm and was hospitalized for 6 weeks. I saw her once during this time, and when she returned home, she wasn’t the same person who left just weeks before. After six months of her returning home, my parents filed for divorce because their relationship had been rocky well before her illness.
Within a year, my Mother married my Stepdad, and upon his arrival, an alcoholic addiction came, too. I quickly assumed the role of being my Mother’s protector, and felt responsible for her well being. It was then, our roles reversed, and I ceased being a child. Within two years, my Dad married my Stepmom, who was definitely sent by the Lord, and I attended church with them at my every other weekend visits. I would visit my grandmother’s for short periods, and find respite there, as well.
In 8th grade, I became more than my mother could care for, and with anguish one cold and rainy fall evening, she dropped me off to live with my Dad. I can still remember standing with my black garbage bag of belongings watching her headlights back out of the driveway. Something happened deep within me that night, and I entered my teen years a shattered mess. I began seeking approval in the wrong ways, from the wrong people, only to compromise what I knew better.
I attended church, but was disengaged because the denomination we were apart of held a very thick array of legalistic tendencies. I felt, “Why should I try, I can’t hold up to their standards?” So I didn’t, until my senior year of high school, when we returned to our home church. They had a pastoral change, and for the first time I felt love and acceptance, and, in that, I began to grow and trust again.
At age 18, I fell face first onto the altar with the absolute realization that I didn’t want to live without “this” Jesus they were telling me about, and my sin is what separated us. I needed and desired his presence so deeply, and he became real through their love, and in turn, I could be real, and I was.
Since then, through marriage ups and downs, having children, losing my mother to cancer, and losing a baby, I have questioned such trials, and felt the bitter sting of separation and unanswered questions. I’ve walked through seasons where it was just God and I, going layer by layer undoing the wounds of the past, through solitude and loneliness. However, it was through the unconditional love shown by the leaders in my life, years ago, that changed the way I viewed the grace and love through Jesus, and this is what I turned to when the coldness of life swept through.
I want to share the true nature of the Most High God, and my heart and calling is to speak life and bring hope to the broken and wounded through his word. I desire to teach women that block by block the self protective wall between them and the one who created and loves them, beyond measure, can be removed and abundant life is possible as surrendering takes place.
Our loving Heavenly Father, takes us from the walls of captivity to the wings of freedom, he takes us from, Walls2Wings!